So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
it was like having sex with a tree stump
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
