I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
