I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
