Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
