she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
