I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
