Are we in a gay sports bar?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
