whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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