There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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