K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
