hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My dick has a subreddit
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
