I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
