You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
