Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
