I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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