So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
