I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Michael Bay diarrhea
this boner is exhausting
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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