after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
