You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
