we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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