it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
