Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I deserve this hangover.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
