If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
We smell like vodka and hangover
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