I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
