how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
this hospital has no fireball
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
