i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
