I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
