See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
