the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
