Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
