I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
