Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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