Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
