Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
