I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
