OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
