Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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