remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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