One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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