And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
