Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Your tits are I can't wait for
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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