Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
