Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
