There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
