Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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