Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
