I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
