we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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