mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
