I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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