The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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