You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
